Wir müssen los… und dein Kind will nicht.

5 Nov

Die Situation

Es ist Dienstag morgen, ihr müsst in spätestens 5 Minuten das Haus verlassen, damit du deine Bahn bekommst und pünktlich zu einem Termin mit Kollegen kommst. Mit viel Mühe und gutem Zureden hast du es geschafft, dein Kind anzuziehen. Jetzt seid ihr im Flur und dein Kind will partout keine Schuhe anziehen und das Haus verlassen. Alle Versuche, in denen du versuchst die Schuhe anzuziehen werden mit Geschrei und hauen quittiert. Mittlerweile ist nur noch eine Minute Zeit übrig…

Was könnte dahinter stecken?

Vielleicht hat dein Kind einfach schlecht geschlafen und möchte noch zu Hause bleiben?

Vielleicht merkt dein Kind, dass du gestresst bist und dies ist sein Weg, darauf zu reagieren?

Vielleicht hatte dein Kind Stress mit einer Bezugsperson im Kindergarten?

Vielleicht hat sich dein Kind mit seinem besten Freund gestritten und möchte deswegen nicht los?

Vielleicht braucht dein Kind einfach Zeit mit dir, weil ihr euch in der letzten Zeit nicht viel gesehen habt?

Vielleicht möchte dein Kind einfach Zeit zu Hause verbringen, weil ihr länger unterwegs/ im Urlaub ward?


Wie kannst du die Situation auflösen?

Du könntest versuchen, zu erfahren, was das Kind wirklich möchte.

Du könntest versuchen, nicht mit Erwachsenen-Argumenten dein Kind zu überzeugen.

Du könntest versuchen, es mit einer Geschichte oder einem Lied abzulenken.

Du könntest deinen Termin verschieben, gemeinsam frühstücken und eine Bahn später nehmen.

Du könntest einen Deal aushandeln – statt jeder will sein Interesse durchsetzen lieber einen UND Deal machen. Dein Interesse und das deines Kindes – sei es die Geschichte, etwas mehr Zeit zu Hause, den Lieblingspullover anziehen, …

Du könntest am nächsten Tag einfach mehr Zeit einplanen, um nicht direkt Stress zu bekommen.

Du kannst es – ein schönes Beispiel für eine Notfallstrategie 😉 – mit Gummibären nach draussen locken.

Dein persönlicher Hintergrund

Wann immer wir in so einer Situation sind (oder spätestens irgendwann später), habe ich es als extrem hilfreich empfunden, mich zu fragen, was mich an der Situation stört. Und zwar immer wieder, bis ich vielleicht ansatzweise zum Kern vorgedrungen bin. Der Kern ist oftmals ein innerer Antreiber oder Glaubenssatz, durch unsere Kindheit tief in uns selbst verankert. Oftmals werden sie nicht hinterfragt, sondern unflektiert hingenommen.

Dich könnte stören, dass du in deinen Augen die Situation nicht im Griff hast. | Musst du das? Was bedeutet im Griff haben für dich? Dass dein Kind folgsam sein muss?

Dich könnte stören, dass du dich ohnmächtig fühlst und du diese Ohnmacht schnellstes beenden möchtest | Was löst Ohnmacht in dir aus? Was brauchst du, um das Gefühl wieder loswerden?

Dich könnte stören, dass du das Gefühl hast, keinem gerecht zu werden, weder deinem Kind noch deiner Arbeit (ganz zu schweigen von dir selbst) | Was führt dich zu diesem Gedanken? Nur wei es einmal nicht klappt?

Dich könnte stören, dass dir offensichtilch vor Augen geführt wird, dass deine Planung (sei es an diesem morgen, die längere Abwesenheit,….) nicht optimal war | „Entweder es war ein Erfolg oder ich habe etwas gelernt“ sagt sich leicht, aber es ist viel wahres dran… Was für Lehren kannst du aus dieser Situation ziehen?

Dich könnte stören, dass du deinem inneren Antreiber „beeil dich“ nicht gerecht werden kann und keine funktionierende Strategie hast, damit umzugehen? | Vielleicht hast du als Kind selbst immer zu hören bekommen „beeil dich“ , dann ist das einfach in zig verschiedenen Formen bei dir so verinnerlicht, dass du immer dabei bist, dich zur Eile anzuhalten. Und jetzt „hält sich dein Kind auf“. Dein Kind kannst du nicht ändern (sollte zumindest nicht das Ziel sein, ausser es soll ebenfalls einen „beeil dich“ Glaubenssatz bekommen), aber dich und deine Einstellung dazu.

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52 thoughts on “Wir müssen los… und dein Kind will nicht.

  1. Guter hilfreicher Text, besonders die Reflexionen des persönlichen Hintergrunds. Mich persönlich triggert die Gummibärchen-“ Bestechung“ da dies in meinen Augen das Kind negiert.

    • Ich find die Ideen auch sehr hilfreich – zu den Gummibärchen bin ich geteilter Meinung. Als Standardlösung fänd‘ ich es schlimm, aber manchmal mach ich es auch… einfach weil es schnell gehen muss. Wichtig ist mir, dass das nicht der Standard ist, von daher ist Notlösung das richtige Wort für mich.

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